Yeah, you’re reading that title correctly.
Here I am, roughly three months from turning 23, and I’m beginning to reflect on the handful of super close friendships that I have in life. It’s a Saturday night, and my best friends are doing various things. One is surely working, another may be on a date, another cuddled up in bed watching Netflix, another is probably putting on makeup for a night out with her college friends, and etc. My best friends are from different parts of my life: childhood, theatre, college, and more. We each have our own lives and yet we still manage to weave our stories in with one another’s, and I find that beautiful.
But I didn’t always think that. In fact, all of my main (female) best friends that I have today are women that I once disliked. A lot.
Let me explain.
In middle and high school, I thought I had everything figured out. I always had a solid group of friends, and I was happy. Because of that, if somebody rubbed me the wrong way for any reason, I was done with them. Now, I wouldn’t say that I was (intentionally…) mean to the people that I disliked, but I definitely didn’t make an effort with them.
Here are a few reasons that I disliked some of my now-best friends: One girl was a bit too rambunctious for my liking. I was always being compared to another girl, and I felt like I was constantly the least favored one. One girl seemed a bit too flirty with my then-boyfriend, so that was that. One friend got super into the dark/grundgy/misunderstood phase (which turned out to not really be a phase…) and I had no idea how to understand it. One girl accidentally started a serious rumor about me… And the list goes on and on.
Over time, I’ve moved past these issues. I don’t hold grudges quite like I used to simply because I don’t like that kind of negativity in my life. And, frankly, things have just changed. One by one, I began to let these people back (or back into) my life, and I’ve definitely grown as a person in the process of doing that.
They, too, let me into their lives… even if I may have not quite deserved it…
You see, even today, I can be quick to judge a person. It’s something that I’m still working on. I don’t like being vulnerable and I don’t like having to second-guess where I stand with people. I’m a firm believe in quality over quantity, but I’ve learned over the years that some people truly do deserve a second (or a third or fourth) chance. Heck, I’ve messed up in life. Just this post alone shows how flawed I can be!
At the same time, sometimes it truly is best to just cut the ties that you have with certain people. I’ve learned that over the years, too.
But, the thing is… to me, it’s worth giving them a chance. I don’t necessarily regret that I wasn’t always super close to some of my now-best friends. For a few relationships that I have, we needed to grow up apart and to change in order to have happy, healthy friendships now. (If that even makes sense…)
I just find it ironic that, for every best friend that comes to mind, I once had a long-term issue with them at some point in my life. It’s an ongoing joke that I used to “hate” my best friends, but it is what it is… 🙂 . Whether it was something that they did or an insecurity that I used to personally have, it has been important to remember that things, people, and circumstances change as time goes on.
People change. I have changed. It’s the people that show up when your life is at the lowest that truly deserve more credit than we often give. Everybody at least deserves the chance.
Maybe you’re thinking that I’m a huge psycho or just plain nuts for admitting this fault of mine, but there’s also a chance that at least one of my readers will be able to relate to it in some way or another.
If you are reading this, I encourage you to reach out to somebody in your past that you have lost touch with over the years. Meet up for coffee. Laugh and talk about how petty some drama used to be or how much ya’ll have changed over the years. Maybe it’ll give you peace and closure. Or, maybe… just maybe… it’ll give you a best friend for life.
You never know, do ya?